remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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