My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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