Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
