somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My ass is underappreciated
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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