so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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