I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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