Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Let the clothes fall where they may.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize