dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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