we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
