my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
bring money and cleavage
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize