I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
whose parrot is this?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
