when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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