his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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