that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
