Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
