Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
