party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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