mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
