I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
