SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
