did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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