Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
