I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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