I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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