I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
