actually, I'm a sock model
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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