I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize