The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think people are normalizing furries
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
