ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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