Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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