My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
