Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
