I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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