Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
