is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
