Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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