you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
