Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
