I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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