1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
