Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
