those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she looked like the before picture.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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