Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
