Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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