I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
