My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
