Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
