I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
