Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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