God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
