I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
