While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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