cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
