Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
