The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
