a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
