How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
