Porn is love you can see.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize