Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize