True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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