So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it penis luge time yet?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
