I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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