Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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