GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
