Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
