I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
