I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
