he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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