I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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