A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
