Me too!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
