I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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