I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
