i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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