There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
