If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
