he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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